Three Years Later

Thursday, July 12, 2018

On July 9, 2015, the final nail in the coffin of the end of my marriage was put in. It was the day before my twins turned 1 and I had walked into a situation that I never wish upon anyone else. That summer was rough - I cried for months, hid in our guest bedroom, and had limited contact with friends that I had distanced myself from during my marriage. I was alone. It was a dark time for my emotional well-being - but I'm grateful for the experience because it proved that at my lowest of lows, I can pull myself out and still be a good mom.

Anyways - the twins turned FOUR on Tuesday this week and just looking back on the past 3 years, I'm amazed by how much has changed - mainly in my heart and emotional well-being. I've been single for a year and have no desire to enter into a relationship any time soon. I'm enjoying my "freedom" after being in a rocky relationship for 8 years and focusing on the girls and our house. I'm able to be around my ex and her new wife and not hold anger in my heart. There's zero desire to return to that relationship (I was addicted to her for YEARS) - and maybe there's a trace of hurt still in my heart but it doesn't impact my daily life at all. That has been a huge progress in my emotional welfare.


Three years later, the girls and I are enjoying our new home (we'll celebrate 1 year in the house in September) and getting into a groove with our new summer schedule. At the age of four, they're now in activities and making friends, etc. We're busy!! We're having fun meeting new neighbors, enjoying our town's different events and just being out and about.

When I was going through my divorce, I was wrecked. I thought I'd never find love again, that I'd always be alone - that I was unworthy and undesirable. Fast forward to now - I'm single but I'm okay. I know I'm worthy (although I'm not 100% the body size I want to be) and that love will find me when the time is right. I realize that I need to enjoy laying in bed star-fish style and hogging all of the covers. I can eat what I want, decorate my house the way I want and do what I want. Companionship is nice - and yes, I eventually want to fall into that relationship groove that's so comforting. But - right now, I'm trying to enjoy the fact that I'm in charge of my life. I don't have to share with anyone... and that's nice. It's a good reprieve to gain myself back after being in a relationship for so long.

I know that some people end up on this blog because they're at the start of the end of their marriage. They're looking for answers and comfort. Will this be okay? Will I be okay? Give me the answers! And I'm here to tell you that time will help. Things might not be "perfect" but that's okay. It's okay to not jump back into a relationship and to focus on being a mom. It's okay to be single and emotionally healthy. You won't miss anything that's meant for you. Allow yourself to deal with the loss of your marriage. Allow yourself to pick yourself up and charge forward. Rediscover friendships and activities you love. Focus on your kids and your career. Enjoy your singlehood - knowing that you can spread out in the middle of that big bed with ALL of the covers as much as you wanttttt - except when your kids sneak into your bed in the middle of the night. And then hug those little bodies and enjoy the pure love that you have always had right there.

You Can Do It!

Monday, April 16, 2018

One of the things I worried about upon my divorce was my ability to provide my children with the life I envisioned for us. Simple things like - could we never buy Ikea furniture because I couldn't lift the boxes by myself? Can we not own a house because I know like limited information on lawn maintenance or plumbing problems? Would I have to PAY for help with nearly every aspect of our lives because I couldn't do it? UGH. Talk about self-deprecation. Not cheering on myself and having confidence in my ability to do stuff (adult stuff!) that's part of every day life.

Now, I'm no master plumber or landscaper. I actually need to tighten the bolt on my kitchen faucet and kinda want to throw up at the thought of having to do that myself because I just envision the entire faucet flying off and nailing me in the face and then my kitchen flooding. A tad dramatic, are we? But it's true! But I have been slowly doing stuff on my own - stuff I know for a fact that my ex would scoff at because I never did it during our relationship and it's been building up my confidence that all is not lost on my crafty nor handy skills. And ladies - if I can do it ... you can do it!

Here's what I've tackled since moving into my house in September:

1. hung pictures (yes - minimal, but whatevs)
2. hung my flat screen tv above my fireplace (it hasn't fallen on anyone!)
3. ordered and oversaw my vents being cleaned out (I didn't do the work, but I recognized it severely needed to be done!!)
4. CUT MY OWN GRASS!
5. Picked up allllll the leaves in my yard this fall (and my backyard was seriously covered in it in layers)
6. Repainted all of my kitchen cabinets (yoooo!)
7. Added faux backsplash and kitchen counters (peel n stick baby!!!)
8. Replaced all of my kitchen drawer pulls
9. Painted nearly my entire interior of my home
10. Moved most of my belongings into my house by myself (did get help for the furniture because I'm no fool)
11. Put together my daughters bed frames
12. Removed a shower door in my bathroom and carried it outside for garbage day! (those things are HEAV-Y!)
13. Removed (and sold!) old closet doors in our guest bedroom.
14. Replaced floor vents in home
15. Put together a swingset!!!

So #15 is my current project. And yes, I'm putting together a cedar swingset by myself. And - it's very stable so BOOYAH! 

Working on putting the walls together.

Put together the "slide" side!

When you become divorced, you sometimes have to learn to live life alone. You're going to be the bug killer for your children, you'll be in charge of taking the garbage out on garbage day and if you can't afford to hire help - you might be the one putting together a swingset someday. But I promise you, YOU CAN DO IT! And guess what? Your kids will remember how strong and ABLE their mother was. I think it's especially important for little girls to see their mom doing all of the these things so they realize that they're strong and capable too. 

What's been your proudest single mom accomplishment? Sound off in the comments! 

Book Review: The Year of Less by Cait Flanders

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

I'm a podcast listener - I love them and can't get enough of the chatter. On one of my regular podcasts, they mentioned the book "The Year of Less" by Cait Flanders - a look into one woman's experiment of living with less, spending less and trying to live more.

via caitflanders.com

Holy cow. This woman is ME. Cait dives into a little bit of her past, some break ups that have stirred some big pain and the fact that she uses food and booze to numb the pain. She decides to try to experiment and live on spending less - or basically going on a no-spend year. She sets up rules of what she can actually purchase (basic necessities or things she knows she'll need) and even rules on what she's NOT allowed to purchase during the next 12 months. Each month she tracks her progress on her savings, purging (getting out the crap in her life that aren't serving her) and even her confidence of fulfilling a full year of no-spending.

It's a quick and easy read (only 166 pages) - and sooooo relatable to not just spending habits but such transitional content to various areas of your life. If you're looking for a quick weekend or beach read or just want some motivation to clear the clutter in your life (emotionally or tangibly) I highly recommend this read!

Bonus! The kindle version is only $1.99 - and you can download the Kindle reader app on your phone! Boom!

What are your favorite recent reads?
 
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