Counseling versus Life Coaching

Friday, February 9, 2018

During the separation process, I went to counseling to try to handle the grief. anger and to try to get answers. That's the funny thing - we always want answers when sometimes there just aren't any. I went weekly and handed over a $75 check every time, to pour my heart out and cry in front of a woman I barely knew for an hour. I stopped going when I felt myself getting repetitive with my message I was replaying in my mind and was translating verbally to everything I focused on and talked about. It wasn't worth the time and money, and it wasn't helping me. I needed help and counseling (although a great method for some people) wasn't getting me where I needed to be mentally and emotionally.

Fast forward a few months and as the only relationship I've had since my marriage was ending, I was an absolutely wreck. I placed a lot of myself into "potential." Potential for a relationship, for a person I vibed well with, for my future. Everything in this relationship was chalk full of potential. But it unraveled and when it ended, I was hurt just as much (maybe more?) than I was when my marriage ended. I was spiraling into deep, deep depression. I cried literally all day, I barely was moving along in life, and once I handed my girls back to my ex after momming, I wouldn't do anything. NOTHING. But weep. 

Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash

Through both ends of the two relationships, I've found that positive Instagram accounts helped alleviate my heart a bit and I became addicted, soaking in content whenever I could. I'll share some of my faves at the end of this post. But one account that I followed was @wearesoulsparks. Kristin's messages of hope and her captions under her primary message SPOKE to me. It was like she was standing outside of my life looking in, and bringing forward the words I needed to hear the most. One night I found myself deep on her Instagram feed, when I realized she did life coaching and I was curious. What's life coaching and how is it different from counseling? Can I just connect with Kristin and maybe she can help pull me out of this funk? I sent a message and she responded!

We had an intro call just to talk through some of my problems and what I wanted to get out of our conversations, and she explained Life Coaching to me versus counseling. I loved that life coaching was focus on positivity, the future and actionable stuff. It wasn't like counseling where you hash up your past and pick it a part and try to make sense of it all - instead, you can leverage some of your past stuff to figure out where you want to be in the future and then make a plan to get there. We started sessions and I spoke with Kristin for about 6 months. 

Life coaching helped me realize that I don't sit in my grief. I ruminate over it and pick it a part - because I have a need to make sense of things - but I don't allow myself to just feel. I'm always working at my pain and never just letting it sit inside of me. Life coaching helped me look at some of my past behavior and how it was translating into my reactions and life  - and honestly, it helped me start to plan a future for myself (after being attached to 1 person for 8 years). I was finally free to do things for myself. 

If you're in a bad place and need help - I recommend looking into counseling, life coaching, or any kind of help to pull yourself out of that place. Especially if you're a mom - you need to keep momming and your kids deserve a happy, healthy mom. Getting help will put you in a good position to move forward with your life and put on a new perspective of your future. Hang in there, you got this!

Living Life

Monday, February 5, 2018

Do you ever sit back and just look at where you've been? Look at where you're at now? I remember when I was going through the pain of separation and eventual divorce, I literally couldn't imagine happy days, when life would be good again. I thought things were ruined for me, forever. I was wracked with guilt for my children. I was filled with shame for myself. But here I am - February 2018 (FEBRUARY!) and a full 2 years (and 2 months!) post divorce. I'm alive! I'm okay!

Life moves on and we learn to move with it. The more we resist, the more we hang back and stay in the muck, the more we break our own hearts. Don't do that to yourself. I couldn't imagine that my life would be what it is now. At the time, I was buried in the darkness and the pain and I couldn't see what layed just beyond that. But I moved forward with life.

It's been snowy here in the Chicago area - we're literally getting some snow right now as I type. I feel like I'm finally getting my money's worth from the snow removal service I ordered for winter! For awhile I was kinda worried I paid for nothing but nope, February did not disappoint me! :) At work I have a window view and it's so pretty to look out at the white snow blanketing the area. Calm, peaceful. A reminder that we have to go through the snow to get at spring in a few short weeks. It'll eventually get warmer. So right now, we *try* to enjoy the beauty of the snow, the magic of seeing our kids' faces light up when they get out in it and remember there will soon be days we're melting from the sun beating down on us.

My little bit of "south side" in the suburbs!
I've been working on the house. I finally got a thrifted dining room table and chairs and the house is finallllllly starting to feel like ours. It's coming along. I can't wait for warmer weather when I can throw the windows open and work on the outside. The girls are itching to get out there too.

Coffee bar station I made!
Our Super Bowl Sunday weekend was filled with lots of time with friends. We hosted some people over on Saturday and then hung out at a friends house right before the game. I love watching the girls get more comfortable with my friends, climb up on their laps or running through my house playing hide and seek. We also had some time to snuggle on our newest friend - the girls loooove babies!

I swear the girls are growing up so fast! It's kinda hard to believe they're not the babies any more but can actually (semi) hold babies now!! Ahhh! See - time just keeps plucking along whether you like it or not. Three has been the hardest age, so far, but also the best. The girls are able to do a lot more, understand a lot more, etc. I'm excited to see what this spring and summer holds!

I hope you've been handling the winter, well and staying warm. Hang tight! The sun will be back out soon! 


Tuesday, January 16, 2018

It's January 2018 and this month is always the START of everyone's goals for the new year. This year started on a Monday, which made it extra fresh to start clean. I have made zero resolutions for the new year. I just want to keep plucking along; paying off debt, being a good mom, working on my home and rehabbing my knee to get back to playing softball this summer.

And then today happened. I know what it was (a few things) and I'm hoping something clicked and will stick. I want to get healthier. I think it's FINALLY time postpartum (eh 3.5 years, anyone?!) that I get myself together. I NEED to. Do I want to lose weight? Absolutely. But really I want to stop feeling lethargic and going through the motions. I want to be more present in my mind, I want to be more goal oriented. I want to feel like I'm contributing more to the world.

So what does that mean for me?

That means I'm eliminating alcohol. Well, for 30 days. And it'll be a challenge because I use a glass of wine or two to unwind and relax. I also have two dinners with friends planned - and they're drinkers. So it'll also serve as a challenge to myself that I am in control of my life.

I'm going to start exercise and not just rehabbing my knee. Right now, I'm about 6 weeks out from surgery and although I'm not ready to do jumping or weaving exercise; but I can do a stationary bike and I can do lifting exercises. And instead of just going through the motions of strengthening my knee, I'm also going to start working towards strengthening my whole body.

I am going to eat better. I eat like trash, I'm not going to sugar coat that. And I'm a salt craver. Which means that not only do I have high blood pressure, but I like feed it with all the salty foods I love. I have been signed up for Weight Watchers for a long time, but have been L.A.Z.Y. when it comes to putting in effort of meal prepping. That needs to stop. I want it to stop.

And the biggest thing is that I'm going to stop talking negative to myself. I need to be my biggest cheerleader if this is going to work. There will be good days and bad days - probably a lot more bad at first, but I can't let that prevent me from the life I want to live and the future I need to create.

I know I've made these "healthy" proclamations tons of times before. Literally. Tons. I'm hoping (I know) this time will be different.

What are your goals for 2018?