Wednesday, September 16, 2015

In the past, whenever I have gone through an especially bad break-up - I have a tradition of usually making a bad financial decision. And it's usually a big one - I've purchased a car before (literally in one day and it was the worst car ever!) and racked up credit card debt until I'm blue in the face. I've moved - completely lifted my life up and transplanted it 3.5 hours away all in the hopes of running away from love, or rather, my own broken heart. Which incidentally, I have yet to realize that I take with me every where I go ... no matter where I run.

I've had an urge to do it again. I've been seriously itching for an Eat, Pray, Love moment - you know, like Elizabeth Gilbert/Julia Roberts and just up lift myself for one year and travel with no regrets. Run away to a far away land. Escape. I researched locations online (Costa Rica is pretty good for single women) and even chatted online with a homeowner on airbnb on her rental. The 3 hour trek from the airport and potential boat ride slammed all of those plans to a quick halt. I've been eyeing new cars. The more expensive, the better. Acura, Lexus, Infiniti ... all pretty ladies to me. The sad thing is that I have a fairly new (and completely loaded) Honda CRV which I freaking LOVE. It's the best car EVER. Yet, I'm contemplated handing her over to someone else for something new and shiny. A new car won't mend my broken heart.

But what has pulled me back in those fleeting moments where I almost lose rationalization? Where I almost bankrupt myself and make pretty shitty financial decisions? My girls. It's no longer about me. My money is no longer just mine. My decisions in life will impact the life of my two daughters. So no longer can I be an irresponsible adult. No longer can I do whatever I want. I need to provide for them, put food on the table and diapers on their little butts. They've helped to keep me grounded.

I've been eating and drinking my feelings lately. I need to put a time limit on the sadness, though. Because this body can only take so much crappy food decisions and nightly bottles of wine. Maybe when I'm officially moved out I can take back control over that area of my life. Right now I'm just trying not to cry 24/7. And then I'm back in the moments where I desire to just run away. To sit under a goddamn tropical tree in some magically bright hued Caribbean oasis and sip my all-inclusive dranks. But I'm not there - and I'm trying to see the beauty in my favorite season during one of the hardest times of my life.

So in these moments I try to remember some of the amazing quotable quotes that Elizabeth Gilbert spews like nothing ... my absolute favorite, life-changing quote that has floated me through a previous god-awful terrible break-up and is now carrying me forward today is:

ruin is a gift. ruin is the road to transformation.: The Roads, Eat Pray Love, Inspiration, Menu, Gifts, Eating Praying Love, Ruins, Favorite Quotes, Love Quotes

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