What's Considered "Hard"?

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Something I ran across on Facebook recently was a conversation in a twin mom group I belong to. A twin mom was mad because a mom with two singletons (that's two children at different ages) was saying that the twin mom had it "easier" because she just did everything twice. The twin mom rebutted that the singleton mom had it "easier" because she had a chance to had one child at a time and not balancing two babies, two toddlers, etc. It's an interesting argument. And what happens when the triplet mom, or the mom with five singletons are thrown into the mix? Who has it harder?

I'm going to be that "peace, love and happiness" person on this argument. Because at the end of the day parenting is hard. Doesn't matter if you have one, two, or six. Doesn't matter if you have two at a time or just one beautiful baby. It's all hard. And we're all different people with different experiences and resources (and levels of patience). I get comments all of the time when I'm out solo with the girls - "How do you do it?" "You have your hands full!" But it's not hard for me. I'm used to it, and when I see a mom that has 3+ kids or kids that don't sleep at night, or are just pure chaos I think, "How do you do it?" "You have your hands full!"  I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

And what about those of us that now do it alone? That don't have a husband or wife or partner to tag when we're at our wits end? Do we have it harder? I don't know. I think it's all relative. What can be hard for me might not be hard for you. What you can handle might not be something I could handle. I think the race that mom's have needs to just stop. We need to quit judging and quit battling each other. I think if we started approaching things with a compassionate heart - knowing that one mama's struggle is just that - maybe just quite simply a struggle not dependent on the quantity of kids she has - we'd have more of a helpful stance instead of brushing her off because we think we're struggling more. It's not about that.

We need to build a community to help support each other. Because at the end of the day - ALL parenting is hard. We're raising tiny humans that will one day be adults and they learn everything from US. We're responsible for their health, education, etc. That's a huge responsibility and it's all equally difficult. But we're all in this together.

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