Divorce Sucks - and other obvious realizations

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Divorce sucks. They say it's like a death - you deal with all of the stages of grief as you mourn the death of your marriage, your relationship, your hopes and dreams. Everything is now erased and your future has completely changed. Whether you wanted to divorce or not - it sucks for everyone. It sucks to not be able to call up your best friend whenever you want - that that person can no longer serve that role in your life (at least for me) because then you'll never move on. It sucks because things you loved in your life (in-laws, inside jokes, their smell) has all been ripped away. It's hard because all of your dreams fall a part and now you begin to imagine your future without that person - perhaps replacing their face with some future mystery person's. Or you're able to start realizing what your new holidays will be like, how the family dynamics have changed and the intricacy of juggling your children's schedules so they can visit everyone - but separately. Needless to say, your life changes drastically.

Some people use divorce to re-invent themselves. To work on all of the things they couldn't work on during their marriage (because there's no time to work out, or have a free second to yourself). When you're suddenly all alone in your apartment on a random Monday night, what the heck do you do with your time? Now you actually have to think about it. There's no one to cook dinner for, or make "family" plans with, some nights there are no kiddos to bathe and put to bed. It's all eerily strange. It's all just you.

So of course you can get down in the dumps and evaluate what went wrong and be bitter because your kids aren't with you tonight. You can down a glass (or 3) of wine and watch crappy television all night. You can let the laundry pile up and dirty dishes sit in the sink. You can literally do nothing. Because no one needs you in this moment. And trust me, I've had those nights. You're bound to. Because divorce sucks.

But it's not an excuse to stop living. And you can't make it a pattern. The dishes need to get done (because you're the only one to do them and no one wants to live in a pig sty), the laundry needs to get done (because your kids ... and you ... need clothes to wear), the crappy television can wait - can you use this new time to exercise or do a hobby you love and haven't had the time to do (ie. blogging)? The world is now your oyster, my friend! That person that you couldn't make a marriage work with? Just became your part-time babysitter. You now get free nights to decompress, take care of yourself and do whatever the heck YOU want to do - because no one needs you in this moment.

So yes, divorce sucks. There are days when you'll cry for no reason, there will be bitter thoughts that run rampant in your head, there will be crazy @$$ situations that you do not want to deal with but it's not your entire life. And I try to repeat this to myself daily. I'm 32 and although I feel like I've lived a long life already - I literally have my entire life ahead of me. I have two wonderful, healthy children. I have supportive friends and family that have leant their support and friendship in amazing ways I never knew existed. People have showed me they care about me, that they love me ... I'm not alone on this earth. There is a silver lining to this divorce thing. It's the fact that you have your life. You get to walk away with you. Even if it feels that other person stole everything from you, ripped away who you are ... you have you. You can bring you back. You can do the things that you want to do. You can find that happiness again. You can build the life you were always meant to have. 

Because you have you. 

The World Is Your Oyster - Black & White Typography Poster - Inspirational Quotes / Travel:

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