It'll Never Happen to Us

Thursday, October 1, 2015

One of the things I get a lot - especially from newly married couples - after the initial shock of learning about my divorce, is a short gasp and an odd statement, "Divorce should not be an option! You're married!" It's a funny thing ... options. We get married and are crazy in love with our spouse. We make proclamations like, "You'll never leave me!" "Divorce is not an option!" "I'll never love anyone but you!" But then life happens, and sometimes those plans fall a part.

We were a couple that proclaimed that divorce wasn't an option. And it wasn't ... until the day it was. You never know when that day will happen until it's right there in your face. So although you passionately think you and your spouse will never fail (and I truly hope you never do), you're still dealing with another person's emotions and feelings and experiences - all of which YOU have no control over. Divorce might not be an option for you ... but maybe one day it will become an option for your spouse. When they are no longer happy, or want to take another path. You might see it coming on the horizon ... a slow build up until they finally break. Or you might have no idea that it's happening and be completely blindsided. But it CAN happen. Never take anything for granted - especially when human beings and their emotions are involved.

I was someone that felt blindsided. I didn't know anything was wrong and I blame myself for not being intuitive until it was too late. Some days I wonder if I just realized something was wrong earlier, could I have saved my marriage? But that's a silly thought because it's all unfolded and way too much has happened to even waste time wondering about things that will never happen. What I would say to every married couple I know is to foster your marriage. Make time for each other - be selfish with your relationship. Life, work, kids, etc. will all get in the way and before you know it every day is just like the last. You never want the spark to leave you - it's the foundation of what you're building. Never forget those butterflies your spouse gives you, never go a day without appreciating each other. Never stop dating each other.

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