Thoughts on Dating ... After Divorce

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

The thought of dating makes my skin crawl. And, honestly, my divorce isn't even finalized yet. I have a yearning to be okay with myself - to not dive into placing my value/worth into the hands of someone else. Yet - I still want that companionship. I want those butterflies in my belly. I'm not sure I'm anywhere near ready for that yet.

I signed up for Plenty of Fish - honestly, just to browse and be nosy to what's out there. My profile is hidden (so don't try to find me, creeps). The moment faces began popping up, my stomach dropped and I wanted to vomit. It honestly made me miss my ex more. It made me miss the comfort of my marriage and the person I was with for 8 years. The thought of starting over with someone new is nauseating. But I know it'll happen someday - or I'll be alone for the rest of my life :)

I'm not ready. I don't know when or if I'll ever be ready. It's weird being in this limbo - of wanting something (comfort?) but still wanting to be by myself. I guess at the end of the day, I just want to be happy and I don't want to need another person for that happiness. I'm trying to practice patience with myself and give myself time. Sometimes I'm flushed with the urge to "be somewhere". Such as, "Shouldn't I be moving on by now?" "Shouldn't I not be crying any more by now?" "Shouldn't I start working out by now?" None of this has happened quite yet.

Some days it feels like a race - will my ex move on and fall in love before me? How will that leave me feeling? It's honestly the most ridiculous thought ever. Honestly - I hope she's happy. I want to be happy. I shouldn't be worrying about anyone except myself. And if someone else is meant to enter my life - they will, and likely that'll happen when I least expect it. Not on PlentyofFish.com.


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