I'm Just a Girl - Standing in Front of You ...

Monday, January 25, 2016

I think I'm traumatized from my relationship with my ex. My emotions are completely pelted and my confidence is dismal. It all sucks sometimes. In the 8 years that my ex were together (including 4 years of on/off), she stood in front of me and told me she no longer loved me, that we no longer belonged together and she wanted out of our relationship a total of 4 times. Four times I was looked at in the eyes and broken up with by one person. I allowed that to happen. I don't regret our relationship for the fact that I got my children out of it - but outside of that, it was nothing.

Now, this can take a toll on someone. It's hard to bounce back from rejection. It's hard to choke back that you're not desired - but to have the person you love most in the world, especially the person you're building a life with, gave your body to building a family with. It a shot right to the heart and something you can't recover quickly from. I'm trying really hard to get my life back and myself back. But, I'm still broken.

I've been called crazy - and sometimes I think it's expected to patch myself back up and move on with not a thought. I'm sorry, but I just can't do that after 8 years. I can't just act like my heart isn't torn up. I can't just handle this on my own, either. Anyways, I'll likely get blasted for this post - for airing my "dirty laundry" online. But, I just don't care. I'm sick of people acting like this is all okay. I'm sick of people sticking up for shitty behavior. I'm sick of being labeled crazy because I have a reaction to pain and torment. I'm a REAL person - and this shit is actually happening. It's not a "we just didn't work out" kind of story. It's a sick, twisted game of lies and deceit. But no one else sees that, right?

Whatever.

I just want to find someone (eventually) that will fight for me and love me. I want someone to stand in front of me and choose me, every single day of the week. Will choose me on my best days and even more so, on my worst days. I think I deserve that. I think I deserve someone that values my opinion and sees the wrong in both of our actions - someone that will work with me through things and not just toss me aside. One day, I'll find her.


If you've ever had an ex make you seem crazy after a break up
Posted by Chris Crocker on Sunday, January 17, 2016

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