Tuesday, January 12, 2016

The worst thing that I could ever imagine - that I have anxiously waiting for has happened. My ex has told me that she is dating someone else. Someone else calls her their girlfriend. It makes me want to vomit.

But it's also a sweet release. I've made it so far. Six months ago my world crashed down around me when I was blindsided by a request for a divorce. And this past summer was probably the hardest point in my entire life. My future changed immediately but I kept moving forward. My heart wanted to stay - but my brain kept me moving on. I went and got a lawyer, I rented my own apartment, I furnished that apartment, and even though I didn't want it - I filed for divorce. Our divorce was finalized on December 8, 2015. I was told about this new relationship on January 9, 2016. 

So why a release? Because the worst is over. Everything ahead now is just life being life. And I feel that, after all of the garbage and nightmare that I've been through over the past six months, that that chapter has officially ended. I'm released. A new woman has stepped into my place and that has released me from expectations and heartache. It's shown me time and time again the true (and confusing) colors of a life I thought I was living. I've been through some super emotional garbage this winter - which leaves it all packaged up and life moving on forward. 

I'm not in a rush to date. I can be alone. My father sent me a text the other day reminding me to stay focused on my dreams and being a good mom. That love will find me when it's time and that right now I have to pick myself back up and keep trucking along. My heart may be injured but I'm not limping along. 

I'm excited for my future. I'm excited to feel that the world is wide open for me at the age of 32! I'm excited that my daughters are on this earth and I get to raise them and watch them grow. I'm excited for the day - far from today - when love is ready to find me again and I can get the ending that I've been dreaming of. In the midst of it all, I have a lot to be excited about. 

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