Take Care of Yourself

Thursday, January 28, 2016

One of the biggest things any reading material or advice giver of those going through (or on the other side) a divorce will tell you is to start taking care of yourself! Take time to love yourself, treat yourself well - I mean, I've even seen date yourself! Honestly, this can kind be an eye-roll sort of task, especially when your ex has already moved on and you feel like a total single loser. But one thing I'm trying super hard to work on is allowing myself time to heal and not to rush into anything. For giving myself time to get back on my feet and putting enough time and distance between my last relationship so that it doesn't blend over into a new one. I'm also working on better self-talk.

It's important to figure out what your body, mind and soul need to recover - especially if your break-up was brutal (more than normal). I've sat back and really thought of the person I want to be, what I want to accomplish in my life and what I need to get there. I've made lists and started scheduling things that make me happy. It's important to continue living - do the things that make life worth doing! Some advice I have on ways you can take better care of yourself during this rough time:

Mend Your Mind
My thoughts can totally take me off the deep end. I'm an over-analyzer and with my past relationship (I won't go into details but...) it caused me to question a lot of things that occurred or were occurring. My mind swirled and spinned and there were many days where I walked around utterly confused and deflated. My mind needs that time to heal and to patch itself back up, so I have decided to return to seeing my counselor. It's great to get a professional's perspective on things, an outsider who is not attached to my issues but can talk me off a ledge, as well as see my point of view when others can't. 

Treat Your Body Right
Honestly, I haven't been doing the best in this area, but am working to getting better. I think it's important to get those endorphines pumping and to get your body back on track too. This isn't necessarily to make yourself the sexiest ever or to win your ex back - but really to get YOU feeling better about yourself. If you're into walking, running, Zumba - whatever!! - just start moving! Burn off some of that bad ju-ju!

Purge the Crap
Getting rid of everything that gave me a bad memory (or really any memory) of my marriage was therapeutic. I didn't wait until, years out, I was "ready". I ripped that damn band-aid out and purged the crap out of things. I sold my wedding jewelry and any jewelry I received from my relationship, I tossed old pictures and even threw out my ex's backpack that I was using for work. BUH-BYE! I had debated keeping the jewelry to give to my girls when they were older - but then thought better of it. If it was something that I didn't feel was even ever real, then why would that have meaning. So now everything in my home is now me and my daughters and our memories will be made there. 

Drink the Wine
Seriously - drink the damn wine. Don't become an alcoholic, but also don't feel bad about a glass or two on a Tuesday night. You deserve it. You've been through hell and back and are on a path to amazingness. This is part of your journey and you DESERVE to do the things that make life enjoyable. So drink the wine. 

Do not - I repeat - DO NOT become a hermit. Yes, the beginning is hard when everything is ripped away and you have moments when the tears flow freely and you're just overall lost. But that fades a bit, and you'll notice that life is going on without you. Your friends and family care about your broken heart, to a point. They want to enjoy this life with you, though. So rally the troops and get out and do things that make your heart sing. And do things that are normal (movie night? grabbing a drink?). Just get the hell out of your house and rally your support group. Lean on them - they actually might not know you're even leaning - but use their presence to remind you what it's like to laugh again! 

Let it Go
This has been the hardest thing ever. I'm not one to let go. I'm the one that wants someone to notice a wrong and fix it ... or in the least, acknowledge it. I want to scream at the top of my lungs when something bothers me - and stuff always bothers me. But it's causing unnecessary stress and it's taken a looooong time to realize many of the things I'm upset about actually DO NOT impact my life at all. People will do things in your life that will anger you and hurt you, and the key is to learn to brush off the stuff that's just noise. Being upset and sitting in a puddle of anger will only impact you and why are you spending all of this time being down? I'm honestly super tired of it it. So, I'm trying to let things go. 

These are the tools I've deployed and I'm sure over the next few years, I'll have more (better?!) tools in my belt to nurture myself and keep plucking along. What tips would you share?

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