Thursday, January 21, 2016

There's honestly nothing I want more than to be completely free and untangled of my ex. She thinks otherwise, but it's the honest truth. We have kids together so we can never be completely free of each other - but it'd be nice for her to walk her path and I can walk mine.

When you build a life together - there's so much that gets wrapped up together. Purchases, mementos, debt, kids etc. Bank accounts get merged, insurance is together - you're merging 2 lives into 1. And when your marriage fails and one (or both) person wants out of the relationship, you have to work to untangle it all. Divide out the belongings, break out time each parents gets the children, find your own insurance, remove your ex from your medical plan, etc. It takes a while to wipe clean of them. I'm inching towards that. I have only a few minor things before my ex is otherwise wiped out of my life (besides co-parenting with me). I've been truly trying to focus on myself and my goals and my happiness - to build an amazing little family when I have my children and not let my ex's actions affect me.

I've been slowly, methodically building a wall since this summer. I let myself feel the rage and the pain and every now and then it creeps back up. I tried so hard to hang onto everything - even when being pushed away. I was hurting myself more by refusing to give up. But now, I feel like I've processed my emotions. I feel like I allowed myself to sit with the anger and sadness. And, truly - I don't care. I only care how my children are affected. I do not care about the love I thought I loss - because there's plenty of love in this world! There are plenty of things in this world to be happy with. One person does not make or break that for me. I've finally realized this!

So, I'm working to untangle myself. We closed our joint bank account and we have to [finally] get separate car insurance policies. I've changed my last name back to my maiden name officially and on most of my bills and official things. I have just a few more to tackle and when I get the money, I'm changing my license plates from my married initials to something way more special. I've thrown away a lot of the things that drummed up memories - and even sold ALL of my wedding jewelry or relationship jewelry she ever gave me. It's GONE. And I just love that that *stuff* is no longer taking up space in my apartment - and my heart.

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