You Are Not What Happened To You

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

During any break-up, your confidence and overall well-being can take a beating. It's easy to slip into "victim mentality" and relive painful moments, pick a part stories and lies, and continue to recall things that have been hurtful to you. I over-analyze everything. I always have. I like to think about situations and pick them a part to find the underlying meaning. That's why when I'm lied to - it completely flips me out. I feel passionately wronged, and that validation needs to happen - like "Hey! I figured it out! Tell me I was right!" But like most things with life, we don't always get what we want. We have to learn to continue on without closure that we sometimes desperately want.

I'm constantly reminding myself that I am choosing to be a victim. That my story, although painful, does not define me. That the wrongs that have happened to me are just experiences to set me on a path to something better. That my heart has to hurt to know what true joy feels like. I can sit back all day long and analyze everything about the past 8 years of my life (some days I do), but what does that accomplish? It keeps my thoughts off of more important things, it keeps me from looking ahead, and it keeps me entrapped in a story where I'm consistently choosing to let the pain win. 

I want to be my own hero. I want to re-write my story, where this time in my life (and my ex) are merely chapters in a really long novel. A novel that is overwhelmingly full of better (happier) moments. A novel that would warm my heart to read it. We all will all experience pain and betrayal in our lives. But to be able to move past that, to be able to work through it, to be able to overcome it - is the real key. You are not what happened to you - it's merely a pit stop on this long winding road, where eventually the sun will hit your face and you'll deep in your heart that you arrived to where you've always belonged.

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