Perfectly Imperfect

Monday, February 22, 2016

As I write this, I have already "failed" myself three times today. I ate McDonalds for breakfast and lunch and I skipped my pre-planned 12 pm gym exercise class. As I took my last bite of my lunch and headed back to the office, my negative thoughts started to creep in. All I could think about is how I let myself down, how this won't get me to being healthier and happier, and what a waste of a day. But then I reeled back. This is part of the cycle that I do to myself - trip up, beat myself up, and then spiral into an even bigger mess. Because I messed up 3x's today - does that mean the entire day is a waste? Does that mean I'm not worthy of happiness? Does that mean I'm a loser?

Honestly, meh.

I'm SO sick of beating myself up. Sure, I'm not happy with the baby weight that has stuck around. I'm not happy with my eating habits or the amount of wine consumed nightly. I'm not happy with how out of shape I'm in, which becomes completely apparent amidst an exercise class at the gym. But is all of that negative talk and beating myself up worth it? It's it benefiting me or making things worse? I think the latter. I think the negative self-talk (which isn't new if you've been a reader for a while) does more harm than good. I think negative self-talk is what makes a bad day turn into a horrible day - which makes 100 extra calories to 3,000 extra calories.

Just because I messed up, I need to learn to not make it a habit - but to show grace to myself. To pat myself on the back, become my own cheerleader and make sure that everything doesn't spiral into a worse situation. It's okay to consume calories. It's okay to have days where we don't work out. It's okay to drink wine by the bottle glass. When it doesn't become okay is when we bully ourselves into self-hatred, when we lose confidence, when we do not love ourselves. Be gentle with your soul. Be kind to yourself. Allow mistakes - just don't make them a habit. And work on building better habits.

I had 3 reasons to totally throw this day away. But I have two little reasons (H&H) to not make it worse - and to pick myself back up and keep moving forward.

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