Surviving Valentine's Day

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

This past weekend was my first single Valentine's Day in over 4 years. It was the first year where I didn't share a love with someone - where I sat back on the sidelines and watched as my Facebook timeline emitted profession after profession of love from my friends. It's an interesting perspective, and to say my heart wasn't a little hurt that day would be a lie. It's amazing to see the love that my friends and family have in their lives and even if it's one day out of the year where people share their showering of gifts, or special plans - it's sweet to know that love like that exists and the people I care about most have that to share with someone.

But sometime around early afternoon, my little heart turned a tad bitter. And I tried desperately to swing out from that but it put me in a small rut. At times, I feel like I'm taking 10 steps back while all of my friends take 3 steps forward. The people I'm closest to are now having kids and taking that next step in their relationships - and it's amazing to see ... but at times I feel like I'm truly on the sidelines. I'm the part-time parent, the pariah who's ex wife left her. I'm not part of a "traditional" family unit. There are 1,000 times a day that I wish for that for my girls - I wish more than anything that they had two parents TOGETHER and their family was in-tact. Valentine's Day was another reminder of something that makes me ache almost daily.

But I made it! I survived! I may have downed a bottle of wine solo and totally inhaled sushi for two by  myself - BUT DAMNIT ... I made it! WHEW! And, it wasn't as terrible as I was afraid it would be. Sometimes we work things up in our mind and then when we finally experience them, they're actually not as terrible. Or we're able to experience the crappy thing and walk away with a new perspective. I like when that happens - I feel like it helps me grow and understand this complex world we live in.

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