Full Speed Ahead

Thursday, March 3, 2016

I was flipping through my planner the other day (it's a Simplified Planner by Emily Ley and I love it), and noticed how many months that have gone by since I received this baby in the mail. It's just as many months since I realized my marriage was officially over. To me, it's insane to look at it this way - laid out in an actual stack. Over half of a year has already whipped right on by. 

I remember being in the thick of it, during the late summer, and just wishing over everything to fast forward time and not be IN the pain part. That if I could just get some time wedged between the rawness of everything, that I would be okay. And for the most part, that is true. 

In 7 months, I've moved out and my divorce has been finalized. I've experienced all of the ups and lows that come with a long-term relationship, specifically a marriage, ending. I've started, stopped and restarted counseling. I've drank my fair share of wine, ate my fair share of crap food, and cried my fair share of tears to friends and family (thank you for listening <3). I've moved into my own place and decorated the way that I want - and it's filled with pictures of happy moments with me and my girls. I've started to exercise again, and took up personal coaching over the phone through a program at work. I've also had some dips in self-esteem, but have discovered parts of myself that I'm not proud of and that I want to to fix. Self-discovery and self-realization is key. 

There's a lot that's happened in such a short amount of time, and I'm curious what the next 6-7 months will bring. Where will I be at when I'm officially a year out from my divorce being finalized next winter? I have a ton to look forward to and a ton of things still left to experience, and time, sweet time, has been as faithful as ever. I was promised that time helps heal things and it might not patch together my relationship with my ex or mend my emotional wounds, but it has helped provide perspective, and ease the ache that I held onto for so long. So now, I focus on moving full speed ahead.

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