What Motivates You?

Thursday, May 12, 2016

It's funny when life is good and things are looking up, you're suddenly filled with enthusiasm and motivation. Granted, I still sit around and do absolutely nothing a lot of the time. But my thoughts do not turn grim with hopelessness or restlessness - at least they haven't for quite some time. I've been thinking a lot about what motivates that change? When does that light bulb moment occur? I've been feeling a strong tide in my life the last few months - like a small spurt of electricity skimming the edge of everything ... something (good) was on it's way. But what brought it forward? What after all of those months cloaked in grief, sadness and dispair, did I lift my head and finally *saw* the sun again? Honestly, I couldn't tell you. But I have a smidge of an idea.

Part of it has been time - and getting through the worst of my fears months ago. The day my ex stood in front of me and told me she was in a new relationship felt like my soul had been released and my heart was finally free with the last heartbreaking blow. I cried a big sobbing mess of a cry. And then gathered myself up and moved forward. I think that was a big "click" moment in my brain. 

From there, I kept living life. I did things I liked and realized when there were things I was doing that I didn't like (copious amounts of wine, anyone?). I got active again and started to regularly go to the gym and picked running back up (although I'm on a 2 week hiatus from my Nashville trip and need to get back into that) which fueled me feeling better about myself overall. I laughed again. I enjoyed my friends and I laughed and laughed. I no longer felt the absence of someone no longer sitting next to me as I experienced my life. It gave me strength. 

And then a funny little thing happened, I met someone. Someone that I truly like and that gives me hope that love is out there again. I could have never even imagined that this time last year. But when you feel something *real* again - it'll change you. And work started getting better too. Opportunity and hope that things won't always be the same - that there is potential and growth and people care about me as an employee. That provides hope too. 

And I think all of that stuff swirling in a little tornado, if you will, over the past few months have made for a perfect little storm of happiness, enthusiasm and motivation. It's opened my eyes again, it's made my heart feel good things again, and it's brought just a breath of fresh air - of what a potential future on any aspect of my life could be. That's something that I didn't have 12 months ago as I felt my world falling a part.

But as time always will - it's all slowly putting itself back together. 

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