Still Dealing With Emotions

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

One of the things that has been extremely apparent over the past year is my battle with my emotions, mainly my anxiety and just overall brokenness. I have realized that I hate it. I hate the up and down - I hate the negative feelings, but realize it's important to make my way through all of that stuff. But it is a part of life - you HAVE to feel and experience everything thrown at you because if you don't give yourself a chance to process, then you'll always be stuck in that murk. And it truly can be murk. No one wants to feel sad or angry for the rest of their lives. But you may have to for a little bit - and if you can settle down in it, accept it and work through it ... then you'll process it and be better in the end.

So that's where I'm at. I'm super confused by some feelings happening now and super familiar with some others. I'm trying to figure out what it all means. I'm trying to let it in and feel it ... and process through it. I've had some tears, some smiles, some disappointments, some high moments and some low. There's a ton of give and take and there's a ton of going easy on myself. I've lost love, and I'm back on the battlefield of navigating singlehood, motherhood, working motherhood, etc. I gained feelings for someone else and am trying to figure out feelings that are still left over from my marriage and those that are present/current state. I'm having my insecurities bubble up to the edge, and at times just feel emotionally naked. It's an uneasy feeling for me but I'm dealing with it. If I ever want to be in a relationship again, I'm going to have to be vulnerable ... and honestly, I know I'm going to have to find someone that has patience with what I've been through in my past.

I feel like I'm rambling.

But really I just wanted to tell you that if you're going through a terrible break-up or a divorce, that you'll have highs and lows. You'll battle through your emotions and your feelings because you're ever evolving as a person. And you know what? That's not a bad thing. You opened your heart to someone else. You said YES! to love. You took a risk. And that's amazing. That's something to be proud of. And, you'll find it again.

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