The "L" Word

Monday, July 25, 2016

Recently I told someone I loved them. I've been met with silence. Not a "thanks but no thanks," "not a 'I Love You too!" ... not even a "I'm not sure what to say." There's just nothing. It's been tearing me a part - does anyone like to be ignored? And I could feel totally ashamed and embarassed of putting my feelings out there and essentially being rejected, but I don't. I'm actually proud of myself.

I recently listened to this video from one of my favorite Thought Catalog writers. She talked about a spectrum of love and that everyone you care about is on that spectrum somehow. I mean - I still love my ex, but it might not be the romantic love I once had for her. So I can totally relate.

I think it's true - I think when you care about someone, especially deeply that can be love. It might not be "over the moon in love love" but it's just you putting that little bit of love in your heart for someone that means something to you. I also think it's important to tell people how you feel. Sure it's absolutely scary to be vulnerable and put yourself out there. Rejection hurts like a b*tch. BUT for one moment you get to let it out - you get to feel (butterflies, anxiety, heart racing) you're ALIVE! And you put love out into the world, whether or not it was returned. 

It's important for us that have been through divorce to find love again - and to share that love with others. When it bubbles back up, it's like a gift and it should be cherished. So I may not be "in love" with the person I professed feelings for but I know I love her. I know I care about her deeply. And I told her. And whether she responds to that or not is her choice - but I'm okay either way. I'm okay because I felt it, it was real, I put it out there and proved to myself that my heart can find love again. And I'm blown away by that. 

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