Finding Your Tribe

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

One of the things I lost for a bit (in addition to myself) was my "people," my tribe if you will. So when I was getting married, then newly married, then pregnant and a new mom - I found myself alone a LOT. To the point where I didn't feel cared about, that the weight of everything was baring down on me and I had no one in my corner to lift me up or listen to the things that hurt my heart.

One thing I learned is essential after divorce, is not only picking the piece of yourself back up but picking up the pieces of relationships lost (friendships,family relationships, etc.) and investing back into those. When your partner in life is no longer and you truly feel alone, and are without "people" you can get trapt into spiraling back into something much deeper.

I've been lucky. My friends have welcomed back into their lives with open arms. They have let me text their eyes out, invade in their lazy Saturday plans, share a laugh, etc. They have let me fill myself back up with their love and I've cherished it so much over the past year and a half. They have let me reconnect with them, to have valuable conversations, to love on my children, and to save me when my heart hurts the most. They have been my biggest cheerleaders, and my sounding boards. They have become part of my tribe.

If you're at the tailend of your marriage, or struggling post separation or divorce - just remember it's not a rush to the alter against your ex. It doesn't matter who finds their "next person" first or fills that void of love/relationship. You need to work on yourself, what you can do to be the best person, friend, parent, family member you can be. You need to find what makes your heart sing (and I promise that it WILL take time ... and be ugly at points). You need to re-invest in lost relationships and really give value to them. Don't just talk your family's ears off regarding your relationship woes or heartbreak (I mean I do still!) but also ask about them, GENUINELY be interested, check in, meet up for drinks - let them help bring you back.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you. And although we are always working on ourselves and we're constantly changing and evolving - this is just a funk for you. There is opportunity to turn this boat around and find the dock you belong to be parked at. For awhile at least, until wind kicks up into your sails and sends you on your next journey. 

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