Hi! Welcome! And a Re-introduction!

Monday, February 20, 2017

Hi there! I've noticed a ton more traffic on this site which I have, unfortunately, been negligent of posting to. So - if you're new here - welcome!

Although I'm not sure how you got here, I can guess what you're searching for. Answers.

Maybe answers to help you grasp what's happening in your marriage. Maybe answer of if there's a so-called "light at the end of the tunnel"? Maybe answers of what others have gone through that have been in your shoes. Regardless, I understand. It's difficult and painful and there's nothing fun or happy when going through a divorce - even if you're the one initiating. It's a massive life-change, it's a physical separation along with emotional, financial, etc. It's something that literally impacts your daily life. And if you have kids - it's only harder. So, I get you.

So who am I? My name is Ashley, I'm 33 years old and I was with my now ex-wife (yep, you read that right ... I like girls!) for about 8 years. We were married for 2 years and have twin toddler daughters from our marriage. Our relationship ended in the summer of 2015 and divorced finalized that December (so I just got through the full first year of being divorced).

This is me - pregnant with twins in 2014 :) 
 To me, why were divorced, is still a big part of my life because I have to co-parent with her. But for you, it's kinda irrelevant now. You can read past posts if you're curious - but I don't know if I dove too deep into things as I know her family may read this from time to time.

So what has the past year been like? Well, a rollercoaster. I've had super highs and super lows. I've had a relationship begin and end in that year. I've re-invested in my lost friendships and am *now* starting to do things that I LOVE. I think I'm finally to the point of being more comfortable with myself and not being a couple. Yes, it's hard sometimes ... especially since my ex has moved on ... to want to be in a relationship. But I know for myself it's just not the right time and I'm not actively looking for that. I'm planning trips with friends, and enjoying my time with my daughters when I have them. I'm focused on my future and paying off debt and purchasing a home. I'm getting re-invested in my healthy and all that good stuff.

It hasn't been easy. I've had a TON of tears and negativity this past year. I think a lot of the time I was just coasting and not "growing". And I felt stuck. Why does my ex get to move on and I'm sitting here still picking up the pieces? I spent a lot of time (and still do this) feeling sorry for myself and not empowered. I struggle a lot with seeing the worthiness and loveableness that I deserve. I've done therapy and life coaching. I've lost weight and gained weight. I've cried. A lot.
One of my girls and I - summer 2016

Single mom life - adventuring with my girls!
But it's all part of my journey and I KNOW this is my path to take in my life. I finally feel like I'm headed where I'm meant to go and I needed to get off the path that my ex was on. It's taken me a LONG time (like 8 years!) to accept that and unstick myself.

So that's a snapshot. I update this blog from time to time ... mostly when I feel like I have something to express. Which clearly hasn't been that often lately.

Feel free to say hi! I hope your heart heals. It will. But I hope it happens for you soon. You're strong, don't forget that. Ok? :)

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