Dating Post-Divorce Sucks ...

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Dating post-divorce sucks ... if you don't have enough self love and self confidence to move through it.

Recently I went on a first date. A real one! With a woman I met from a dating app. We messaged/texted really well and seemed to like a lot of similar things. She's a mom too so she wasn't constantly messaging me all of the time (which I appreciated) but also understood what goes into parenting young children. All of the boxes on whatever mental checklist I keep were probably checked off prior to us meeting. But something interesting happened - I wasn't nervous or a wreck beforehand. I felt like the one in control and while out at a local brewery, I selected what we drank (beer flights) and even ordered a pizza. And that's when I knew there was a problem. I ate in front of her.

Weird, right?

Well, when I'm super into someone romantically or super worked-up/nervous, I cannot eat. I clam up (and I'm talker!!) and I move inward into myself. I let the other person make many of the decisions and control the date/outing. Butterflies literally will be knocking against my rib-cage. What's more interesting in this is that you would think that by being comfortable with this woman would be a good sign! I could relax! Things would be easy! And even though I had a great time out with her - at the end of it, I just didn't feel anything inside. I didn't reflect back much on the date on my 30 minute drive home. I texted her to make sure she got home safe, but not because I was yearning to talk with her.

And then the next day I told her that I had a great time but wanted to be just friends. And I felt like absolute shit about it. I was sad all day. Part of it is because I honestly don't want to hurt anyone or reject them - she actually was terrific. She just wasn't for me. And the other part of it, is that I wonder a few things; a) will I ever find my person? The one that gives me butterflies? b) do I only feel butterflies with women who are not good for me? c) do I reject good people because they're not dysfunctional enough for me?

I still haven't figured out those answers. I'm glad I went on that date. It was nice to meet someone new and have that experience. But all of this "work" figuring me out and what I want and trying to not be afraid to close doors I know are not for me kinda stinks.

Anyone having luck with dating?

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