One Step Closer Every Day

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Every single day, I get one step closer to the life I want to live and farther away from the life I was in/that I imagined my future would be. Every single day, I move forward and away from the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Every day I get a little stronger, a little more focused on my personal goals, a little more confident in doing this "life" by myself.

Almost two years ago, my world fell a part. I've talked about this in past posts - where I was confused, in a daze, heartbroken and desperate to put it all back together. I was met with resistance, and was trying to make it work with a partner who wanted out of the marriage I didn't even know was crumbling down to the ground. Never in a million years I'd guess that I'd be "okay" any time soon - but it was somewhere, emotionally, I was desperate to be. "Just get through the first year" I'd mutter to myself over and over. And then I'd see a post on social media from my friends - new babies born (happy families expanding), a happy birthday wish (a couple totally in love), a family barbecue (normal family activities), and even the online rant from a woman mad that her husband didn't help with XYZ (at least you have a partner). And I'd feel this anger in the pit of my stomach - I felt like everything was stolen from me.



A little cloud followed me around a lot that year. I can't even tell you that I overcame anything - because honestly I just survived. And I still feel like some days are like that. Just get through it.

But, every day is a day farther away from that life, that person I used to be, that person I used to be with - and closer to what my future is supposed to hold. I don't break down and cry any more. I'm not jealous or deeply sad any more. I'm not lost on faith and "what could be" - I'm *as* bitter at what was "supposed to be and isn't". I do still hold a lot of anger in my heart and that's just stuff I need to continue to process through as I move forward in my new life.

So I take a step forward each and every day. Keep moving and keep growing. And each and every day I become more of who I should be and less of what was.

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