I Cried Myself to Sleep

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Last night, I cried myself to sleep. It was the first time in a super long time that I was upset enough, and my inner demons won out. I'm not happy with my body. I feel stuck in my life. I feel like everyone is full steam ahead and I've decided to step off the train and stand on the podium and just wait for the next train to arrive. Who knows if it ever will.

I don't know why now. I know some crossroads are on the horizon - still a year out - and I'm nervous about them. I'm nervous about continuing on this life adventure on my own. There's still so much work to do - to get where I want to be physically and mentally and gosh it just feels so overwhelming sometimes.

We are our own worst critic. But when the time is right, we're also the only one that will ever truly show up for ourselves. When does it click where you are finally content with the path you're on and where you're headed? My divorce rocked my life plan and I feel like I'm constantly planning for what my future is - yet it's also a big mystery. And it's lonely. And sometimes feels unfair.

And then the tears come.

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