Someone New

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

After being with 1 partner for so long - allowing someone else into your life to hold your heart and love on your mind and body can be a foreign concept for some. For me it frets me with anxiety. I think if you're not comfortable with yourself, it can be even worse. The problem we can run into though, is we are pushing the potential for love away because we cannot love ourselves - or because we tell ourselves that WE lost love before so we're not worthy of keeping love ever. God, divorce is a mental eff game that messes with you for a while.

I'm not built to love more than 1 person at a time. So if I love you - sometimes I can't love me. The fear of getting into a relationship without loving myself has been really tough. I question every move, I have no idea how I feel half the time, but I try to pluck along with a guarded heart - because if I don't then I'm running ... and that unleashes a whole slew of other questions.

I want a simple love. I want to love someone deeply, but know that she loves me in return. I don't want to worry about other people or the way I look or say or do that could drive someone away. I want the comfort of knowing that my person is my person. And every new relationship you start post-divorce causes you to tip tow around with that idea. Could this be my person? Could this person love me in a way that my ex was unable to? So. much. thought. But why can't I love myself in the ways that my ex was unable to? Life is all about growth and learning ... so here we go ... keep the lessons coming.

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