Being Too Hard on Myself

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Lately I've been extremely hard on myself. I've always been my own worst critic. I feel like I've lived a super happy, drama-free summer and therefore have eaten all of the eats and drank of the dranks and now am out of shape and chubby. And it makes me sad. I've been trying really hard to be body positive, give myself a break (like - girl, you'll get there, chill!) but it isn't working and then I eat all the chips and all the salsa and I don't deal. I'm a non-dealer. When things bug me or hurt me, I run to aversion tendencies and shove the bad feeling deep down and do something else to distract myself.

And it's really only when I'm alone or snag a glimpse of my body before I get into the shower, or try to pull on any "real" clothes (ie. non-athletic or sleeping clothes).  I've had a GREAT summer and I've been trying so hard to not let my fear of my body prevent me from enjoying life and taking pictures and just celebrating goodness with my friends and girls all summer.

I know I've come a long way since my divorce. I've pushed through, focused on work and my girls. I've reinvested in previous lost or dwindled friendships. I've maintained life goals and paid off debt and am in the process of buying a home for me and the girls - I've been successful! I've been good! But then I stress myself out and get down on myself for still being single and that no one will love me at my current size, especially if I can't love myself and I'll just be chubby and single forever. And then I get sad.

I know I'm being too hard on myself, but just wanted to share. You ever have those days, weeks, months? You know things are good, are ok ... but you're still expecting so much more from yourself?